In my dating experience I’ve come across three types of men. You have the “Really Good guy”, “the Player” and “The Guy”. There are cross-breeds, but for now we will keep it basic.
Ladies, we all know the “Really Good Guy”. You’ve dated them, loved them or completely abhor their existence. They are the guys that seem to do everything right, but for some reason or another, you just don’t like him, like him. If you had a checklist, he’d probably rank highly on the attributes list but pretty low on the fuckable list! He doesn't make the cat meow! He’s too clingy, too available, too wimpy, not cute enough, or as my bestie would say “isn’t man enough”. This is totally the guy other guys use to point out women don't know what they want. Maybe not, but who wants vanilla without the manila!
Then of course, you have the Player. We all know him too well. Took you about 5 dates with the “Really Good Guy” to make you yearn for the “Player”. The super-cool, overly-handsome guy you have to chase. That is of course until you get him. He’s the guy with the incessant phone calls, superb social skills and the girls giving you the glare from across the room. He probably has you stored in his phone as Amy 2 or Amy Florida (he dates so much he needs these reminders of who you are). He’s the booty-call guy. You like hanging with him, might even fall in love, but you know he’s not the one. Doesn’t stop some of you from pursuing him anyways. Sigh, when will we learn?
Lastly, we have “The Guy” He embodies 10 out of the 1000 items on your checklist. He’s the closest thing that you have to your ideal guy. You’re so excited and elated that after dating for months on end, you’ve found what you wanted! You’re completely ready to take the relationship to the next level, so you wait the obligatory three-six months before bringing up the “what are we doing” conversation. You think to yourself, that’s enough time for him to get it together right? Then the moment comes, you pour your heart out after countless moments of practice and you get the dreaded: “I am not ready to be in a relationship”, which instantly leaves you in a state of WTF?
Did I do something wrong? Are there other girls? Am I not pretty enough? Is it because I have slight muffin top from the 6-months we’ve spent eating and in bed? Instantly a barrage of insecurity dwells up in us and now that “Guy” that we so happily created a marriage, 2.5 kids and the white picket fence is now flawed. So what makes men give this dreaded answer? What about you is producing this response in him?
As a person recently out of a long relationship, I can admit that I am rusty on the rules of engagement. Prior to my stint, I was dating, going out, playing the game like the best of them. Recently being released into the wild, I’ve encountered a number of complaints from the ladies about men that do not want to commit or they give the too familiar response of not being ready or any other excuses to let you down easily. Since the list of ladies being plagued with this issue has grown in the last few months, I decided to do a little research. I’ve come up with the top 5 reasons men refuse to commit:
1) The Death of Singledom – No man wants to entertain the idea that he will be “stuck”, yes, stuck with the same girl. This is like the ultimate for them. They fantasize at night about the “throngs of women” they will never get, but they have to keep hope alive a.k.a their egos. Locking themselves down before they want to is tantamount to slicing off their balls. We know how attached they are to those.
2) You’re not Girlfriend material – Okay ladies, this is the slap in the face. You’re really not his type or what he sees when he thinks of his girlfriend, but good enough to sleep with. Guys are shallow and we know this. Though this is amendable, why would you want to be the girl that had to convince him you’re his type?
3) You told him: “You didn’t want anything serious” – Men are simple creatures that we over-complicate by thinking that they are like us. Unlike us, they really mean it when they say they don’t want anything serious. If you do, but are sticking around in hopes he will change his mind, your waiting may be in vain. It could pay off, but who knows when and how much you’ll have to deal with before it does.
4) Broken-Heart – On occasion you will run into the man that’s been jaded by bad relationships. Like us, they hurt too. You can’t force this one. Be patient or let him go.
5) He has a girl or worse, a wife - Whelp, that’s a sad reality but a simple solution. Dump him quick. If he can’t commit to one woman, he can’t commit to you. Done deal.
So ladies, don't be so hard on yourself. You’re not doing anything wrong, hell, you may even be doing everything right. Ok, not always, nonetheless, dating in this contemporary world has forced us to become complacent and accepting of the social norms imposed on us. We’ve tried to become like men, when really we should be like ourselves: Emotional, illogical and completely bat-shit crazy!! Men love this!
Till Next Time,
Lovely
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