Lovely's Diary: Queen of Cups in Reverse

I pulled out my deck and you flew out

In that moment, I knew without a doubt

Accountability on display

Lack of clarity causing dismay

As I sit here and try and navigate the not me over and over again

Is it an air of inadequacy that they pick up on?

Does my aura wreak of weak and that’s why they be gone?

I fill up cups, but now mine is empty

As they sip up my loving, but offer none,

quite stingy

They like the idea of me and not the actual person

Because the realization hits that I am not the regular version

When I give, I give with my whole heart

I am an intense kinda love, you all in or nah

With a Capricorn air, I do not dare

Show my true feelings

or share any emotions out of fear

Because really they don’t care

Here for a good time and not a long one

Wondering when the energy of that will be done

Its creating insecurity where there was none

The seams are becoming undone

The Queen of Cups is in reverse

Feels like I’ve been afflicted with a lifetime curse

Giving so much, but not getting any returns

Energy being siphoned, scars burned

Into my consciousness but unable to discern

A lifetime of abuse I didn’t deserve

In the upside down and things cannot be stranger

Especially as I keep passing yellow and the signs start flashing DANGER

Triggering anger, from this energy exchanger

As he laps up the light and puts my heart endanger

Emotions building, they’re going to blow

Used to the fast life and this energy is too slow

Dimming the glow

Interrupting the flow

Stagnant and refusing to grow

Lovely's Diary